What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
