i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
