It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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