Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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