i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
