rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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