he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
