We're like a lot better than the average bears
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
