I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
