why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
