dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
