Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
