Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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