I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
