If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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