finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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