i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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