Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
