My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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