i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
