omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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