i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
