I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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