Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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