So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
