hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
