My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
