I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
