My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
