I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
