weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
