Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
