the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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