The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
