Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
