Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
