Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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