____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
