so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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