AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
