you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
