i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize