Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
