worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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