I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
