I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
