I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
