none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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