Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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