Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
