They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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