sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
