We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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