If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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