I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize