This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
