just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize