We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Someone came in the potted fern
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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