hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
