Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
