my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
