btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
