remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
