i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So much rum. So many feels.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
