I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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