I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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