Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
