I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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