You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
