dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
