i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
