woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
